I Never Knew Boudoir Would Be My Thing
I never knew boudoir would be something I connected to so much.
Want the truth? I never felt beautiful.
When I was young, I was dismissed and awkward — constantly told that “maybe one day I’d grow into being pretty.” I developed early as a preteen and was mocked, sexualized, and made fun of before I even knew what those things really meant.
As a young adult, the relationships and friendships I had kept me in constant comparison, in constant less than feelings. Partners told me I’d be pretty “if…” but also punished me if I was “too”.. and so-called friends reminded me “you’re the smart one, you’re funny one — but not the pretty one.”
I carried that weight everywhere I went. And I carried it for a really long time.
The Standard of Beauty: Impossible
I know I’m not the only one who struggled with this. Because, let’s be honest, the standard of beauty has always been complicated.
Society says: be skinny, but not bony. Have long hair, or lush hair. Perfect skin, flawless and clear. Be tanned and bronzed, with lashes and liner and glam — but make it all look “effortless.”
Then men would chime in: We like curves, but don’t look fat. Definitely eat, but don’t eat too much. Don’t be fake — so no extensions, no lashes, no makeup. Look natural and easy. But also, you need to look like the girl on Maxim or Playboy to keep our attention.
Anyone else confused? How do you meet a standard that moves every time you reach for it? A standard that looks different depending on which man, woman, or marketing mogul is holding the microphone?
By the time I was in my 40s, I still felt like… less. So much less.
The Turning Point
A friend of mine stumbled across the Boudoir by Amy Gilmore page just when boudoir was really beginning to take off. She booked a session, and I admit, I was envious — but I quickly dismissed the thought of it for myself. That’s not for me, I told myself.
But then she called me, literally walking out of the studio, and said the words that changed everything:
“I have never felt more beautiful in my whole life.”
That was it. I wanted that. Who wouldn’t? What woman can honestly say she doesn’t want to feel that way?
So I booked my session. And that decision changed my life.
Inside the Studio
Walking into the studio that morning, I was handed a world of glam. Professional hair and makeup — flawlessly done while chatting like old friends. Nothing uncomfortable. Nothing nerve-wracking.
Then came the wardrobe. Oh, the wardrobe. Lingerie is so very intimidating when you already hate your body — and even more so when you’re considered “plus size” in a “be skinny” world. But not once did I feel fat, out of place, or “too much.”
Amy helped me choose pieces and then showed me — right there in the mirror — how she envisioned posing me. So instead of me immediately looking at my stomach roll and cringing, she stretched my arms above my head and said:
“See how that flattens out? That’s how I’m going to capture you.”
Every piece was carefully picked. Every backdrop adjusted. Every detail designed to highlight ME. For the first time in forever, I felt like I was supposed to be in the spotlight.
Believing It
From behind the camera, Amy can see the magic unfold. She reminded me repetitively –
“You’re gorgeous! Girl, that hair! Look at those legs! You are beautiful!”
And here’s the thing: when you’re told you’re not enough over and over, you believe it. But when you’re told — for hours on end — that you are beautiful, lovely, graceful, and divine? You start to believe that too.
My favorite moment of any session (ask any woman who’s done this) is when Amy walks over, camera in hand, and shows you a raw, unedited shot. You look at it, and for a second, you forget to breathe.
Because it’s you.
And you are stunning.
The Ripple Effect
I walked away that day feeling something I hadn’t felt in years — maybe ever. I felt truly loved… by me.
That session changed my life. Many of you know how the story unfolded from there: I began a career journey with Amy and her studio. It aligned perfectly with my heart — my desire to speak life into others, to lift women up, to shine light on what they can’t yet see in themselves.
Since then, I’ve had at least four one-on-one sessions with Amy, plus countless mini shoots. My albums, my wall art — I still flip through them, even the first ones from years ago, and I’m instantly reminded of who I am, what I’ve achieved, and who I’m still becoming.
My purpose, my path
Now, I get to talk to women every single day who are right on the edge of what I once felt: nervous, doubtful, less than, but longing to see themselves differently. The conversations are pure, real, and often very emotional. I have both cried and celebrated with ladies in person, on the phone, and in the studio. This experience – is truly that. An experience., It’s not
just a photo shoot”. It’s a life event.
In my time here, I’ve made friends out of clients, and clients out of friends. And I absolutely love it.
My goal moving forward is simple: that every single woman who walks through these doors feels what I felt — and what I still feel every time I look at my images.
Beautiful.
Worthy.
Loved — by herself.
Because once you believe that? Everything changes.